And I'd give up Forever
by fluffy-fuzzy-ears
Summary: Yeah yeah so this is a songfic, and it's a bit cliche, but I'd like to think it's a more mature one. The song is ACTUALLY sung in the fic, not just implemented in annoying fragments throughout. HPDM slash as the outcome. Very mild. Mild swearing.


This is slash. Don't like, don't read.

I don't own Harry Potter 

The song I used is Iris by the Goo Goo Dolls. Every time I listen to it I think of Harry. Sad, I know.

The doors of the Great Hall opened for the first time that evening, letting the invasion into the grand room begin. The noise level had reached critical levels as most of the school's older population streamed into the hall, gasping and awing at the stunning decorations reflecting the magic crackling in the air.

Most of the seventh year students, some with younger partners, wandered to the sides of the hall or chose to sit at the many tables scattered around the chamber, sipping at their drinks and trying to get along. Surely on this night, the night of their graduation, minor conflicts could be avoided... Even so most of the staff chose to remain standing along the walls of the hall, their keen eyes trained on the large population of excited teenagers within.

A small group of students had meandered their way through the students to assemble near the stage area. On the stage were a few chairs, a set of drums, various cable equipment (with magical adapter charms), and two acoustic guitars. There had been no programs available to the students, but it was common knowledge that there was to be a special performance that night among the few others given by the students themselves. Hogwarts had never really held a talent show before and when one of the Prefects suggested the idea to Headmistress McGonnagall she was more than delighted at the prospect of initiating the idea into the Graduation party.

Hermione turned and smiled. "You ready, Harry?"

Harry grinned, showing his nervousness to his friends. "Not really," they shared a chuckle at this. "But, I think I'll do fine..." Not that they knew the full meaning of his statement. He wasn't worried about playing the song so much as conveying the meaning of the lyrics to a certain person that night.

Beside him, Dean nodded and smiled at his fellow Gryffindor. "Don't worry mate, we've been practicing for weeks. It'll be a blast."

When Harry had defeated Voldemort, he had been somewhat, well, very bored. He had needed something more to occupy his time with than his dull and thought to be avoided school work and his feelings for a certain student. His confusion and frustration with the feelings he had been having for the whole year had needed an outlet. Always knowing that his dorm mate Dean Thomas was gifted with knowledge of the arts, not only visual, but audible too, Harry had come to him with a request. He had never had the chance to be very musical and had been feeling the impulsive urge to try something completely different. So they had begun evening sessions of trying to teach Harry the guitar. Dean had brought two (for some reason) from home and had, throughout the years, occasionally provided the other boys with entertainment. Harry had always been intrigued by the instrument and when he expressed interest in learning to play it, Dean was only too eager to teach. Ron and Hermione had sat in on Harry's lessons, content to just enjoy the sounds. Harry had eventually gotten the hang of it, much to all of their secret relief. News of the Graduation Dance being incorporated with a talent show had circulated the school and Dean had jumped at this chance to show off Harry's new skills. Harry told Dean that he would only do the show if he could dedicate a chosen song to someone in the crowd. He wouldn't tell Dean who, only that it was very important to him. Of course, being Muggle raised like Harry, Dean held favour of the song Harry had chosen and they had began to practice. They had discovered that Harry actually wasn't a bad singer, his voice suiting well with the chosen song. Finding the need for drums, they ended up transfiguring some stools and a cabinet into a functioning drum set with reference to some music magazines owned by Dean and had recruited fellow classmate Justin Finch-Fletchey to join their one-night stand "band". Apparently he had been playing drums every since he was a child. Lucky.

Both year-mates had pegged him with insistent questions as to what song they were playing and more importantly who Harry was playing the song to in dedication. For every response Harry merely shook his head and told them they would have to wait, for the identity of who he was dedicating the song to anyways. They had to practice the song, after all. Hermione had assumed for most of the weeks leading to the dance that it was Ginny, but as she was already with Dean, she dropped that option. Harry's determination to keep it a secret caused them all to give up and abide with Harry's request to just wait it out and to "not worry; the suspense would just make the surprise better in the end anyways," according to him.

The small group of Gryffindors sat down at the table nearest to the stage. Dinner would be served before any music was to be played, the entertainment scheduled to begin with Harry, Dean and Justin at 8:00. Harry scanned the hall and spotted their band mate a few tables down with his girlfriend Susan Bones. He met eye contact with Harry and winked at him, waving. Their ordered food appeared on the golden dishes and they students greatly appreciated that the house elves had truly out done themselves to celebrate the graduation of some of Hogwart's finest.

Halfway through the meal, Harry found himself tapping the table with this fingers, staring at the stage and altogether being a nervous wreak. What if he was rejected? Alright, no, he had already accepted that he was going to be rejected. It was inevitable, really. What if he messed up the chords in the second verse, like he always did... and that long instrumental solo with no singing! That was bound to be awkward... And what if, because he was so nervous, his voice shook? He was used to being in front of large crowds with all attention on him, but this was different... he was expressing his strong feelings for someone by doing something he _had never done before._ He could make a complete fool of himself-

"Harry, mate, don't be nervous!" Dean tapped his shoulder, rousing him from his chaotic mind.

Hermione leaned across the table and patted his hands with a loving smile. "We keep telling you Harry, I'm sure whomever you've dedicated this performance to won't be able to resist you."

Ron rolled his eyes. "I'm just going to be relieved to see who it is, after all this waiting. You really are good at keeping secrets Harry, bloody hell."

Harry shrugged and took a sip of his champagne, trying not to smirk at what his friend had said. He most certainly would NOT be relieved at the name Harry would mention on his lips if he had anything to do with it. Well, he thought, all he could do was his best and hope that he could get his message across before they split ways forever.

It was almost time. Half an hour before the music was supposed to start, Harry, Dean and Justin were called to the stage area to go over how the show would play out. Harry wasn't listening to anything Flitwick was saying to them and the other performers. All he could think about was his dedication... he hoped he was loud enough when he said the name. Subconsciously he found himself searching the hall; he had not seen him all night. With a skipped heart beat, Harry searched faster. What if he wasn't even here?! No no, he had to be. It was the biggest social gathering they had had all year... he would not miss this, if Harry knew him at all. Lost in his panic, Harry actually turned around to do a thorough scanning of the hall. There were so many students... he couldn't see him--

Relief flooded his being. There he was. Chatting with some fellow students. His back was turned to Harry, all he could see were his dark green robes and the back of his head. That was all he needed though. He saw as the back tensed and the shoulders tilt. Harry blew out his held breath as eye contact was made. He had felt Harry watching him. His heart beating faster than should be allowed, Harry turned around again. To find that he was alone.

A seconds panic and a moment later he had moved onto the stage. He walked up to join his band mates. Dean winked at him he sat next to the other boy. Already some students were leaving their tables to gather in front of the stage, holding their drinks and looking up expectantly. He saw Hermione and Ron wave from the left down where they still sat at their table. Harry smiled back and went to grab his guitar. Justin found his seat at the drum set and took up the sticks, twirling them around in his fingers. He hit the bass drum a few times and tested the snare, much to the enjoyment of a few of his friends. Clearly he was resisting the urge to go all out. Dean played a few chords for Harry for tuning. Harry tried to ignore everyone beyond the stage, his stomach churning with nerves. All he could force himself to do was tune his guitar, set up the microphone and remember how much he actually enjoyed playing the music.

The music. Wait, WHERE WAS IT!!

In his pocket. Right. Moment of panic over.

Harry breathed a sigh of relief and pulled out his crumpled sheet music, placing it on the stand in front of him. The lights were too hot, he decided. His fingers were already sweaty as he creased down the folds in the paper. Justin did a few more hits on the drums, tweaking here and there

Five minutes to start.

Harry took in a deep breath and maneuvered the mike down to him where he sat in the chair.

"Test," he said. Raspy. He cleared his throat and tried again, "Test, test." Ah, much better. He looked to this left and Dean gave him a thumbs up, grinning.

"Woooo!" came a voice from the crowd. He looked down to see Ginny, Hermione, Ron and Neville right up against the stage. He laughed and waved to them with his free hand.

The lights dimmed around the hall, candles floating the outer perimeter to create a soft light. Ambiance. With the dimming of the lights came a hushed murmur of the students in the room. Most had their attention to the stage now, where Justin, Dean and Harry sat with their instruments, ready to play.

Dean turned to look back at Justin. "Ready, there mate?"

Justin nodded and did a two-finger salute. "Let's get rockin!"

Dean rolled his eyes towards Harry. The song they were playing wasn't really of that genre, as Justin had discovered with their first practice. He was happy enough to play it though. "Ready, Harry?"

Harry sighed and nodded.

"Go on, then," Dean nodded toward the microphone.

This was it. Harry's chance to change his life. It still seemed like a good idea, even though he as nervous as hell. He could see the faces of his friends looking up at him in pure curiosity, their suspense finally being ended after months of secrecy. Harry scouted again the hall and with reassurance found the source of all of this standing near the back of the hall, his arms folded. He smiled into the mike.

His voice was loud and clear, thankfully. "Before we begin, I'd like to, er, dedicate this song to someone in the crowd." Harry cleared his throat and told himself to calm down.

He heard gasps in the hall and saw students looking around them, now sharing the same curiousity as the Gryffindors. In the back he saw the person of his dedication roll his eyes. Harry himself rolled his eyes as he saw most of the girls ready themselves in anticipation.

"So, I'd like to dedicate this song to... Draco Malfoy."

In the corner of his eye he could see Dean blanch, his hand tense around his guitar neck. Harry had warned him a couple of days ago that he would be surprised at his dedication and that he had to promise to play the song anyways because he probably wasn't going to want to after hearing who it was. Dean had just laughed and agreed to play the song.

Not needing to hear any of the resounding gasps, with a furiously beating heart, Harry began playing.

_And I'd give up forever to touch you  
Cause I know that you feel me somehow  
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be  
And I don't want to go home right now..._

He smiled into the mike, feeling his face flush. Justin kept the beat with the drums behind him. Dean joined him with his guitar, his part harmonizing with Harry's.

_And all I can taste is this moment  
And all I can breathe is your life  
Cause sooner or later it's over  
I just don't want to miss you tonight..._

Harry leaned more into the mike, only thinking of Draco and putting all of his emotion into the chorus.

_And I don't want the world to see me  
Cause I don't think that they'd understand  
When everything's made to be broken  
I just want you to know who I am _

During the interlude he let his eyes scan the crowd and prayed to God that Draco would still be there. He was. His arms were unfolded.

_And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming  
Or the moment of truth in your lies  
When everything seems like the movies  
Yeah you bleed just to know your alive _

_I don't want the world to see me  
Cause I don't think that they'd understand  
When everything's made to be broken  
I just want you to know who I am _

He didn't look at anyone as the solo came in. Not singing, he took a chance to catch his breath as they played out. When the song grew quiet, the hall reflected. It was a powerful song and that was why Harry chose it. He felt that the lyrics were right for him. Were right for his feelings. He did want Draco just to know who _he_ was, not the Boy Who Lived or any of that crap. His feelings applied to everyone, really. The whole world needed to know Harry Potter. But tonight all of it was for him. Draco.

He took a deep breath before singing again, knowing it was near the end. He was starting to grow anxious as to what he would do after the song ended...

_And I don't want the world to see me  
Cause I don't think that they'd understand  
When everything's made to be broken  
I just want you to know who I am_

I don't want the world to see me  
Cause I don't think that they'd understand  
When everything's made to be broken  
I just want you to know who I am

I just want you to know who I am  
I just want you to know who I am  
I just want you to know who I am  
I just want you to know who I am 

The cadence played out and the song was over. Harry smiled into the microphone, knowing it had gone well. His fingers were tingling and his heart was thrumming in his chest. He felt good.

"Thanks. Happy Grad, everyone!" Dean said into his mike as they got up. It was barely heard over the loud cheers and claps as the whole student body present in the hall expressed what they thought of the performance. Apparently they loved it.

Harry got up and found his legs shaking. He walked over to Dean and high-fived him.

"See? Awesome! Good show, mates!" Dean yelled, high-fiving Justin.

"Yeah, thanks for letting me join you!" He called back. He looked at Harry, his expression dubious. "You serious?" He asked Harry as they walked off the stage.

"What?!" Harry called back. He hadn't heard the boy among the cheering and yelling.

"ARE YOU SERIOUS?!" Justin repeated, his hands cupping his mouth.

Harry laughed and opened his mouth to respond but instead was hugged aggressively from Hermione.

"That was brilliant!! I never knew you could sing and play guitar so well!" She yelled.

Ron patted him on the back, smiling at this friend, though appearing slightly uncomfortable about all of it.

"All thanks to Dean!"

They all walked back over to their table. The next performance was already starting up on the stage. Harry now had to find Malfoy. He didn't expect the boy to linger after what Harry had said in front of all of his peers, so he had to act fast.

He bent down to take a sip of some water and then called out, "I have to go find Draco!"

With that, he was off into the crowd.

Ron shook his head in slight amusement as he watched his friend disappear. "Is he serious?"

Hermione looked over at him, bending an ear towards the redhead. "Sorry, what?"

"I said – oh, never mind. I already know the answer anyways." Ron sighed, knowing that nothing could stop a determined Harry when he was on the prowl.

Harry practically ran through the hall, ignoring everyone's shouts of praise directed towards him. They should know he had a goal, anyways. Draco had already been near the back of the hall, where the doors were. Chances are the boy had already escaped out into the grounds. Well, that was actually better than staying in the stuffy hall, Harry thought. Also, he'd rather not have to lose his voice over trying to talk to the boy, as it was still rather loud in the hall.

As he had predicted, the blond was nowhere in sight as Harry reached the end of the hall. He stopped at the doors and searched the area, giving the hall one last look. A Ravenclaw tapped him on the shoulder and pointed to the doors.

"He went outside! I heard him telling Crabbe and Goyle!" She said, her face flushed.

"Thanks!" He gave her a salute and opened the doors.

He could hear himself think again. Without pausing to enjoy the drop in temperature but most certainly enjoying the drop in noise level, he set off into the main hall, running towards the Entrance Doors. His heart was beating fast in his chest as he ran. He had to catch up with him...

He heaved the doors open and was met with cooler June air. He breathed it in and stopped to catch his breath. Now, where to look.

The grounds weren't that closed, but they were huge. Being only 8:15 at the end of June, it was still twilight and full darkness had not yet settled. The full moon and the uncovered stars in the night sky illuminated the grounds, hiding nothing from sight. It was beautiful. Even the Forbidden Forest seemed less foreboding... With a gut wrenching feeling, Harry realized that he would miss Hogwarts when he left...

But he was getting side-tracked. Malfoy was somewhere outside with Harry. He had to find him...do something more to let the boy know how he felt.

He found the boy surprisingly quickly and in an even more surprising area of the grounds. The Slytherin had been almost impossible to see, his person obscured from Harry by the overly large pumpkin he was sitting behind, but the moonlight reflecting off of the boy's silvery blond hair had given his position away.

Draco had chosen Hagrid's pumpkin patch as his hiding place. How unusual. It fit with the night's slightly unusual events though, Harry supposed.

Harry didn't want to give the wrong impression by sneaking up on the boy, so he made an appropriate amount of noise as he approached, crunching twigs and rocks under his shoes.

Draco turned his gaze from the moon to look at his visitor. His eyes followed Harry as he sat down beside him, brushing off the dirt on his pants and pushing his hair back.

"Was my singing that bad?" Harry asked, staring at the full moon, almost too bright in the darkening sky. He was surprised that the boy hadn't vacated from the presence as soon as Harry had sat down.

Draco snorted in reply. "It was atrocious," he lied, his eyes returned back to the sky.

"But that's not why you left."

A sneer conflicted with the blush canvased on the blond's face. "Obviously not."

Harry quirked an eyebrow at the other boy. He was blushing._ And_ he was cooperating with him enough to have a civilized conversation? Harry felt a bit hopeful. Maybe the song had worked? Did he like him back? Had his singing really been atrocious?

Draco shifted beside him a sighed. He sounded annoyed and somewhat defeated. His silvery eyes darted to the boy next to him. "What's the name of the song?" He asked casually, a frown on his face.

"Oh, it was a Muggle song, so you probably don't want to know anyways," Harry offered, shrugging.

Draco snorted again. "Figures."

A moment of silence passed. The wind softly caressed the trees and their leaves rustled, accompanying the night crickets. Harry was still, watching and waiting to see when Draco would leave. He really wished he wouldn't. So far so good. He would have to thank Dean again later.

"Good seven years, I suppose," Harry said lightly.

Draco gave a laugh at this. "Yes, very entertaining. I'll definitely miss pissing you off every chance I got."

Harry's stomach squirmed. He didn't want Draco's memories of him to be him being pissed off... and he didn't want it to end at seven, either.

"It doesn't have to end here, you know." Harry stared at Draco and leaned in a bit.

Draco looked back. "What, that part where I piss you off and land you in detention with Snape?"

"No, the seven years. It doesn't have to end there..."

He SO didn't want that to be the case. With all of his being he wished it.

Draco seemed captivated for a second with Harry's presence, not breaking the eye contact. Harry's green eyes bore into his. A star twinkled in the green and Draco shook himself.

"God, why I am even talking to you... this is stupid," he muttered, seeming to realize with whom he was sitting with. By Hagrid's hut in a field full of over sized pumpkins, no less.

Eyes widening, Harry realized the boy was about to leave. He had to grasp at straws. He didn't feel in control with the situation, like he had been feeling all year, but now was his time... he had just belted out to the whole school how he felt, the lyrics of the song talking for him, and damned if he was going to let Draco disappear from his existence after all that.

Harry's hand shot out to grasp the sleeve of Draco's robe, effectively stopping the boy's progress.

"Didn't you... didn't you hear me? The song?" Harry said quietly, becoming serious as he stared at Draco. He was blocking the moon from view, a halo of light glowing around his being.

Draco didn't look down. "Of course I heard you. How could I not."

Harry's fingers tightened around the cloth. "I... I wanted to tell you how I felt before... we parted ways."

Draco as silent for a minute at this, remaining standing above Harry. "We won't be parting. You're everywhere. You're the fucking Boy Who Lived. You're always going to be popping up, some place or another." He sounded angry. He glared at the boy beneath him.

Anger and disgust welled up inside of Harry. He stood up to meet Draco's level. "No! Didn't you hear the lyrics? I don't want to be the Boy Who – ugh, I can't even say it. I just... I want you to know me as Harry!"

He glared back, meeting Draco's eyes directly. This was exactly one of the reasons why he had chosen the song in the first place. No one actually _knew_ him, and that pissed him off to no end. All they saw was the boy who was in the newspaper, who was born for the sole reason of saving the world. He had a life of his own for himself to dictate, not the rest of the world!

"Why now? Why all of this now?" Draco spat, leaning forward into Harry, a cold sneer dawning his features. He pulled his arm out from Harry's grasp, leaving a cold spot where his fingers had been. His sneer faltered.

Harry sighed and looked away, up to the moon. "I... I don't know, alright? I've just been... wondering how to go about it," he looked at the blond, "telling you, I mean."

"And you just had to do it in front of the whole year and all the staff, didn't you?"

Harry smirked. "Well you know me, I'm kind of a big thing. Had to go out with a bang."

Draco rolled his eyes. "But you'll never go out, will you."

Harry frowned. He smiled suddenly and leaned close to Draco. "I will with you!"

The blond recoiled reflexively. "Oh ha-ha, very clever, Potter." He couldn't stop the blush rising to his cheeks, though. His gaze wandered to the castle, where he could hear music pumping from the Great Hall.

An arm wrapped around his back and he lifted his arms up to push Harry away, the boy's eyes serious behind his glasses. "Draco, I... I'm not very good with words, but... I..." he stopped and pressed himself against Draco, wrapping his arms around the stunned boy.

Draco had his arms trapped in between his body and Harry's. "Potter..." The moonlight shone down on them, bathing them in brightness. He couldn't really understand why he wasn't pushing the boy off. He didn't really want to, he found. He removed his arms to drop them loosely to his sides and huffed. He could feel Harry's heart beating against his chest, could feel the warmth radiating off of his body. It was all very surreal.

Harry gave a crooked grin and looked at the taller boy. "I guess I've given up forever, then," he whispered, repeating a lyric from the song.

Draco bent his head down to touch his forehead to Harry's. "Hn. You never told me what the song was called..."

"Iris..." Harry whispered, the answer ghosting across Draco's lips. His arms tightened around Draco.

Draco sighed against Harry. "I don't want to go home right now, either."

So he actually had listened to his song... Harry smiled and leaned up.

So yeah, I didn't really explain in depth how Draco all of a sudden went with Harry, but... let's all just assume that he's had a secret crush on him too? Augh. I'm lazy.

Thanks for reading. 3


End file.
